Take the (crazy) microphone

Funny to the right degree

Humor often doesn't translate well. Poking fun at a superior's fashion sense is a great crowd warmer back home, but doing so here spells disaster.

One presenter learned this the hard way. "I was giving a presentation in Beijing on our research findings. I opened with what I thought was a great joke. I said, 'There's something special in the air over here in China that makes me feel different ... I think it's a mix of lead, methane, and perhaps copper.'" The audience barely produced a grin.

In contrast, the former prime minster of Australia got his crowd howling when he opened with the line, "(The person who just introduced me) commented that my Chinese is very fluent, but he's just being polite. My Chinese is getting worse by the day. In China, there's an old saying: 'Nothing to fear in all heaven and hell, save for the laowai who speaks Chinese well.'"

Supervisor: He was being polite just now when he said I speak fluent Chinese.

Hé jīnglǐ gāngcái shuō wǒ de hànyǔ fēicháng liúlì, qíshí tā shì kèqì le.

何經理剛才說我的漢語非常流利，其實他是客氣了。

My Chinese is really very ordinary.

Wǒ de hànyǔ shuǐpíng hěn yībān.

我的漢語水平很一般。

Nothing to fear in all heaven and hell, save for the laowai who speaks Chinese well.

Tiān bùpà, dì bùpà, jiù pà lǎowài shuō zhōngguó huà.

天不怕，地不怕，就怕老外說中國話。

Straightforward structure

After warming up the crowd, you can finally get down to business. The good news is that presentation structures flow similarly to what you are already used to.

The topic of today's meeting is ...

Běn cì huìyì de yìtí shì ...

本次會議的議題是 ...

First ...

Shǒuxiān ...

首先 ...

Second ...

Qícì ...

其次 ...

Also ...

Zàicì ...

再次 ...

Last ...

Zuìhòu ...

最后 ...

First, we're going to look at the results of a global e-commerce consumer behavior survey.

Shǒuxiān, wǒmen lái kàn yīxià quánqiú diànzǐ shāngwù xiāofèi xíngwéi de diàochá jiéguǒ.

首先，我們來看一下全球電子商務消費行為的調查結果。

Go get them!

No speech is complete without some words of encouragement. Use the phrases below to add some "oomph" to your message.

devote oneself to intense hard work

máitóu kǔ gàn

埋頭苦干

achieve brilliant success

qǔdé yuánmǎn chénggōng

取得圓滿成功

In order to realize this great vision, we must devote ourselves to hard work.

Yào shíxiàn zhè měihǎo de yuàn jǐng, wǒmen zhǐyǒu máitóu kǔ gàn.

要實現這美好的愿景，我們只有埋頭苦干。

Grand finale

The closing of a Chinese presentation is not only a chance to summarize main points for the audience, but also to thank special guests in attendance and exhibit modesty.

Finally, I'd like to say ...

Zuìhòu, wǒ xiǎng shuō de shì ...

最后，我想說的是 ...

I'd like to thank you all for your tremendous support in today's meeting.

Gǎnxiè nǐmen duì běn cì huìyì de dàlì zhīchí.

感謝你們對本次會議的大力支持。

I hope we are able to use this opportunity to strengthen communication.

Xīwàng wǒmen nénggòu jiè cǐ jīhuì jiāqiáng gōutōng.

希望我們能夠借此機會加強溝通。

Courtesy of The World of Chinese, www.theworldofchinese.com

The World of Chinese