Cross-cultural marriages

By Chen Jia (China Daily)
Updated: 2009-11-14 13:30

Joseph Laria and Wang Jin, shown with daughter Jacqueline, say their different backgrounds make their relationship more interesting. [China Daily]

Jacqueline Laria, 2, giggles at the camera and shouts, "daddy dang (Chinese slang for "swing")", as Joseph Laria, her father, tosses her into the air and catches her.

For little Jacqueline, there are two words for everything - one in English and one in Chinese.

Laria's wife, Hangzhou native Wang Jin, said their daughter can now speak more Chinese than her father.

"We talk about her education every day," Wang said.

"Joe believes Chinese grandparents are overprotective. He always reminds us that our daughter should sleep alone, exercise more and wear fewer layers of sweaters."

The cross-cultural family lives in a two-story detached villa with a flower garden in Beijing's suburban Shunyi district.

Wang is vice-president of CBC Group Ltd, and Laria is a senior program manager for Microsoft's China Research and Development Group.

"My husband is always rooting for my crazy ideas," Wang said.

"He supported me when I quit my job in the US to take on a new position in London. Still, for him, Beijing is a remote Asian destination."

Wang and Laria were graduate school classmates in 1994. While they had some mutual friends, they didn't really know each other until a chance second meeting a year later.

They had started working in different departments at the same company in Dallas.

Laria bumped into Wang one day while walking past her office on his way to the lab. There was a large world map in the atrium outside, and Laria started pointing to the places he'd visited, lived and wished to travel.

He was delighted to find the Chinese woman shared his interest in other cultures.

"Our love of maps, travel and adventure continues to this day," Laria said.

"Our different backgrounds make our relationship more interesting. Meanwhile, we approach life problems in a similar way, because we both studied engineering science."

Laria believes Wang is an energetic, smart and optimistic woman.

"There weren't too many Chinese girls in my social life before grad school," he said.

"It's so hard to tell which kind of Chinese woman does more charm for an American man. I love her not because of her culture; the culture is just part of her personality."

Wang believes their love also has helped her career pursuit.

"As a Chinese woman, I didn't feel confident, and I was worried that my English skills weren't as good as native speakers'," she said.

"Joe helped me become more self-assured, and understand American culture and history. He always sees me as better than I thought myself to be."

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When she struggled, he would encourage her to do her best. Her experiences in the US helped her understand the American spirit.

"They'll give you equal opportunities and extra encouragement, because you're trying harder than a native speaker."

The couple believes their chances of success are greater than that of single-culture couples.

"It's a big decision to form a union across different cultures. ... We already have acknowledged that we come from very different backgrounds and, therefore, speak differently. So, I remind myself that a non-Chinese way might be better when we have different opinions," said Wang.

The best way to resolve marital issues is to respect differences and to think of your partner's feelings first, she said.

"I think today's marriages between Chinese and Americans are more about love and are on more of an equal footing," she said.

"We're lucky to be living in a peaceful age, when the whole world is based on trade. We can work for an American company in Beijing today, and we could later work for a Chinese company in the US."

But Wang said some differences do come out sometimes.

"During the Olympics," she said, "I wave the Chinese flag and he waves the American flag."

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