The fine art of faking it

Didn't see it? Didn't read it? Didn't hear about it? Fake it.

Recently, all my friends started talking about Harry Potter - again. That's really bad news for me; I'm not a fan.

I haven't seen the movies, and I didn't read any of the books. So, obviously, as they bang on about imaginary children and their amazing magic, I feel a trifle isolated.

The adult thing to do would be to sit there and wait until a topic of interest to me pops up in conversation, or perhaps just learn more about the interests of my friends, but no one does that. In a situation like this, you must pacify the mob mentality in your head with fake ideas and opinions - become the social animal, particularly, the lemming. But, it takes a bit of skill to master this delicate art in Chinese.

Let's take Harry Potter and the various Potterphiles as our first example. So, you didn't watch the movie or read the books, but, obviously, you know the films were adapted from the books. This versatile nugget should be of use:

I don't think the movie is as good as the novel.

Wǒ juéde diànyǐng méiyǒu yuánzhù xiǎoshuō hǎokàn.

我覺得電影沒有原著小說好看。

The conversational equivalent of a garnish next to a steak. It's very safe. Face it, no true fan of any genre would honestly choose the films over the books. Of course, you can't exactly add much more, so be astute and let the herd give you some clues.

A: I am a fan of the novels but didn't watch the movies. How did you like the adaptation?

Wǒ shì gè yuánzhùdǎng, diànyǐng hái méikàn. Gǎibiān de zěnme yàng?

我是個原著黨，電影還沒看。改編得怎么樣？

B: It's not bad. But they added a new romantic role to the story. I think it's a little boring.

Wǒ juéde hái búcuò. Dànshì xīn jiāle yígè juésè fùzé tán liàn'ài, gǎnjué yǒudiǎnr wúliáo.

我覺得還不錯。但是新加了一個角色負責談戀愛，感覺有點兒無聊。

A: Oh, they did that again. Why do directors love romance so much?

ò, yòu lài le. Dǎoyǎn zěnme nàme xǐhuān pāi gǎnqíngxì ne?

哦，又來了。導(dǎo)演怎么那么喜歡拍感情戲呢？

In some cases, it is just an original movie, so you have to be smart enough to know when to steer the conversation - into a tree if necessary. The best fodder for this is usually just talking about the actors and actresses. Even basic knowledge of their appearance will steer you through the conversation.

A: Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) didn't age very well.

Hālǐ Bōtè zhǎngdà zhīhòu jiù méiyǒu yǐqián hǎokàn le.

哈利波特長大之后就沒有以前好看了。

B: Yes! What a pity!

Shì de! Duō kěxī a!

是的！多可惜啊！

A: But Hermione (Emma Watson) is getting prettier all the time.

Dànshì Hèmǐn què yuè lái yuè měi le!

但是赫敏卻越來越美了！

Have a little common sense and try to steer it toward their careers rather than their franchise. That should get you out of the mess.

Another good trick is to talk about the acting, because no one knows anything about it.

A: They said Yang Mi's acting was better in this movie, but I still don't think she's good.

Dàjiā dōu shuō Yáng Mì zài zhè bù diànyǐng lǐ de yǎnjì bǐ yǐqián hǎo, dàn wǒ háishì juéde tā bù zěnmeyàng.

大家都說楊冪在這部電影里的演技比以前好，但我還是覺得她不怎么樣。

B: Really? I thought she was pretty good this time.

Zhēnde ma? Wǒ juéde tā zhè cì yǎnde búcuò a.

真的嗎？我覺得她這次演得不錯啊。

A: I just don't like the way she speaks the lines.

Wǒ bù xǐhuān tā shuō táicí de fāngshì.

我不喜歡她說臺詞的方式。

B: Well, maybe you are prejudiced against her.

Nǐ duì tā yǒu piānjiàn ba?

你對她有偏見吧？

A: Maybe, but I admit that she is very beautiful.

Kěnéng shì. Dànshì wǒ chéngrèn tā hěn piàoliang.

可能是。但是我承認她很漂亮。

Don't worry about offending a true fan. Even their crazed fans usually won't insist on their acting skills being praised. But if you don't want to be mean, you can also go in the opposite direction - find some names that can always be praised. Maybe they're not as well known, but it shows that you have good taste.

Talking about the director is another useful strategy. You can give a pretty standard comment for most Chinese directors: his new stuff isn't as good. In most cases, that's true. If you can remember some basic information and representative works from famous directors, it can be really helpful.

B: How did you like Chen Kaige's new movie?

Nǐ juéde Chén Kǎigē de xīnpiānr zěnme yàng?

你覺得陳凱歌的新片兒怎么樣?

A: I don't think it was very good. After watching it I couldn't believe that Farewell My Concubine was also his film.

Wǒ rènwéi bútàihǎo. Kànwán zhīhòu wǒ jiǎnzhí bùgǎn xiāngxìn 《Bàwáng Biéjī》yěshì tā pāi de le.

我認為不太好。看完之后我簡直不敢相信《霸王別姬》也是他拍的了。

You can prepare some specific comments for different directors. For Zhang Yimou, you can say: "The composition of picture was really nice, but the storytelling was not very good"; for Feng Xiaogang, it could be: "I don't know why his recent works are not as interesting as his New Year movies"; and as for Ang Lee, you can relax and say: "Lee never disappoints me, except for Hulk, which was a steaming pile of garbage."

Talking about quality is kind of risky. But if the movie is popular, you will definitely hear some voices around you and you can adapt them into your own views.

Please keep in mind that the less you say, the safer you are. Or, perhaps, you could just face the pop culture music and admit: "Oh, I haven't seen it."

Courtesy of The World of Chinese, www.theworldofchinese.com

The World of Chinese

(China Daily European Weekly 04/22/2016 page23)