What the beep are you saying?

By Patrick Whiteley ( China Daily ) Updated: 2007-01-11 21:51:15

My Chinese language teacher tells me there are four tones in Mandarin; however, I reckon I've discovered a fifth. The sweet tone of the beeping car horn.

You don't need lessons for this tone, just a trigger-happy hand and a need to share the love.

It is a relatively new tone in China, however, it is by far the most commonly used tone by millions of new motorists on the move.

Within this fifth tone, there are many variations, depending on the circumstances.

There is the light rising beep tone, which acts as a courtesy reminder to the driver ahead. It says: "Hey there buddy, hope you are having a good day. Don't mind me, I'm just passing by on your left and will soon be on my way." They can hear it, but it does not linger and causes no major reaction.

Then there is the mid-level honk tone, which does linger but only for two seconds. It's often used on multiple-lane roads when you're about to pass a guy but he decides to cross over in the passing lane too.

He will never use his indicator signal or mirrors. Why use mirrors, when the fifth tone works just fine?

This firm but friendly honk, kind of says: "Whoa there my good man, you'll probably want to stay in your right lane, because it could get messy." Remember, firm but fair. You don't want to push the horn for too long because you don't know the driver's state of mind. His girlfriend may have insisted on watching Zhang Yimou's Curse of the Golden Flower, and he could be suicidal.

The final toot tone used in the Chinese language is the long, sustained howler, which seems to go on forever. If you don't keep it resonating for at least eight seconds, you're not doing it right. It is used when everything is hopeless, and by some magic, fixes everything.

I saw it used one morning during rush hour when a narrow street was blocked by a convoy of three cars exiting an apartment block. There was no space, however, the three honk-eteers managed to push their way in and then let it rip. Their sound was triumphant. The lights at the nearby intersection turned green, the traffic jam dispersed, and everybody behind the wheel inched their way to work.

Language experts say it takes 2,200 hours to really speak fluent Chinese that's 40 hours a week for 13 months however, it may take a lifetime to fully understand the mystic power of this fifth tone.

One of the niceties of the fifth tone is the controlled and measured way it is used.

In most car-centric cities in the West, the car horn is the prelude to serious road rage. I've seen people get out of their vehicles ready to rumble.

Not so here. After the honking is over, so is the issue. In a very Zen kind of way, the trouble is left behind and only the road ahead matters.

The last device Chinese motorists need is the musical car horn, the ones that play Dixie or the Superman theme.

It will ruin everything.

Considering the Chinese love for musical mobile phone ring tones, there is no doubt some get-rich-quick clown can see the musical honking potential and is making plans.

It seems so many people are looking for the great beep forward.

(China Daily 01/11/2007 page20)