Feng shui and the art of monkey magic

By Patrick Whiteley ( China Daily ) Updated: 2007-04-04 10:58:55

Feng shui and the art of monkey magic The Los Angeles Zoo has paid a feng shui expert $4,500 to make three little Chinese monkeys feel warm and fuzzy in their new luxury compound. Some may think the zoo officials have gone bananas, but $4,500 is only peanuts compared to the $7.4 million being spent on this mega monkey mansion.

The compound has been designed to look like a rural Chinese village and visitors can gaze at these cute little primates relaxing in their "traditional" surroundings.

"We thought it would be more authentic if we went that extra step and made sure it was done with good feng shui," the zoo's architect Charles Mays told AP.

So the Beverly Hills-based feng shui guru wants a water feature be added to "soften, with moisture, the harsh energy" in one area.

Good grief Charlie Mays! A traditional Chinese village?

The feng shui idea is great. There should be more of it. Maybe they should build a giant waterfall in the United Nations main conference rooms, to calm everybody down.

However, the zoo really needs to get serious about a better design theme. I'm sure the snubbed-nose monkeys from Sichuan want something a little more upmarket than a village. Come on guys! This is 2007 and these little Sichuanese fellows are modern-day, city-living, metro-sexual monkeys.

They have turned their furry little backs on village life for a new life in the city and must have enjoyed a load of late-night partying in Chongqing.

So the zoo officials should also consider adding a few modern touches reflecting the 2007 lifestyle these Sichuan funsters have become accustomed to.

First and foremost, the zoo needs to add a karaoke club. The KTV center must be stocked with Karen Carpenter's Top of the World and We've Only Just Begun. Don't forget about Kenny G's Going Home, another popular hit with the KTV crowd.

Then there is the hot issue of food. What Sichuan monkeys really care about most is hot, burn-your-tongue-off, spicy food.

The monkeys should be allowed to open a hot pot restaurant to give those crazy Californians a taste of the real Sichuan, but they probably will also want a McDonalds too. There must be 1,000 golden arches in Sichuan for those little Golden monkeys.

Next, is an all-day mahjong playing facility. The Sichuanese are famous for it. After a hard day's people watching, those golden monkeys can kick back and create some serious mahjong magic. But the zoo should put a gambling limit on these high-risk ramblers. If the zoo authorities are not careful, the monkeys will stake their whole $7.4 million home if they are feeling lucky. Las Vegas is only a four-hour drive away and imagine the trouble those monkeys will get up to at those casinos.

While in LA, the monkeys must do their bit to fit in with the locals and visit a plastic surgeon for some nip and tuck.

They obviously need an agent, and do the TV interview circuit, starting with Jay Leno. And they will insist on a Malibu Beach house next door to Barbra Streisand.

Just like another famous monkey, these little guys will have barrels of fun in their own Journey to the West.

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(China Daily 04/04/2007 page20)