Catkins a pest? Oh, give it a rest

By Raymond Zhou ( China Daily ) Updated: 2007-05-11 18:41:21

The season of willow catkins is almost gone, and I'm starting to miss it.

Catkins a pest? Oh, give it a rest For the past several weeks, those of us who live in Beijing have been bombarded by media accusations that these flying, dancing, gyrating cotton-ball-like clusters are the biggest nuisance of the all-too-short spring season in the city. They exacerbate asthma and clog auto parts, among other sins.

Being a good contrarian, I'll count the ways that willow catkins are good for the humankind. It's not an effort at balanced reporting, it's just another perspective.

As a starter, willow catkins are visually romantic. To save space, I won't quote you any of the immortal poems that our ancestors wrote to extol the unisexual apetalous flowers. But lovers walking on a sidewalk with thousands of soft balls floating around them make for a sight to kill for.

If I were Gene Kelly, I'd do a number called Singin' in the Catkins and I'd kick up a whirlwind of catkins so that there will be cross-pollination of every character in the show.

As a matter of fact, filmmakers can find a variety of applications for such a scene. They can create a romantic gauze effect without resorting to soft focus lens. Say you are on a tight budget and cannot afford renting snow machines, catkins can be a passable substitute. If you want heavy snows, you can have the extras shake the willow trees.

Catkins floating on the street can also be put to good use. They are soft and tend to roll into bigger globs. That means, given a critical mass, they can function as a life-saving cushion for anyone jumping off tall buildings. Before the police arrive to rescue the migrant worker who threatens to plunge to the pavement to get his pay back, we can use brooms to gather enough catkins to create a pad of protection. And we'll call up the local television station and say: "Mr. DeMille of the DV generation, we are ready for close-up!"

They can be props for scientific experiments, too. When winds whip up a column of catkins, it is basically a tornado at play, albeit with much reduced force. We should take school children out on the street and have them observe the phenomenon. I bet it'll elicit more wows than showing the movie Twister. Call it Meteorology 101, the field trip.

Speaking of science, catkins take a lot of explaining - why they are single sex and yet carry pollens from one sex to another. If that's too boring, we can dissect the sociological ramifications. The unisexual nature of catkins has blossomed into a vibrant human craze. Turn on the TV for any contest show, and you'll see the single-sex look of today's young.

Scientists have suggested removing catkins by injecting something into the willows and changing their sex. Such tampering has obviously pollinated the human species. For those contestants who dazzle with their androgynous appeal, I propose they don a catkin costume and do a catkin dance. If they can be as graceful, they'll have my vote.

(China Daily 05/11/2007 page20)