Ponder for a moment how you would define “discipline”. In your definition, is this something that is imposed upon children; is it a technique to control children; or is it something entirely different?

Montessori believed that the role of the adult was to assist the child in developing the internal locus of control, which enables a person to choose the right behavior because it is right for himself and the community.

Before the age of three a child is unable to obey unless what is asked of her coincides with one of her vital urges. Montessori called this the first level of obedience. A toddler can obey, but not always. The role of the teacher and parent then, is to be a model and guide to the child as s/he approaches the second level of obedience. Here, the child can understand another person’s wishes and can express them in his/her own behavior.

Montessori went beyond this, however, to the third level, which she termed “joyful obedience”. Now the child has internalized obedience (or developed self discipline) and sees the value of what is being offered and obeys by making an informed choice. This level of obedience incorporates self-respect and a respect for the needs of others.

So, how do we pilot our children through the maze of challenges as they become self-disciplined? In the classroom, we provide a minimum of clear rules that are consistently enforced. We counsel the children to consider the needs (both physical and emotional) of others. We give them the tools to negotiate through conflict. We support them with encouragement along the way. We provide them with opportunities to engage in activities with a clear purpose, which empower the child and develop a sense of control and self-confidence as they become able to complete tasks independently. We provide freedom within limits.

To be consistent with the classroom, we encourage parents to respect the child's feelings, to offer choices within acceptable limits, to provide encouragement and calm assistance in conflict resolution, and to institute natural and logical consequences for unacceptable behavior.

By Rosemary Gosse

Etonkids International Kindergarten’s Regional Academic Supervisor