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How to survive a baseball season

By Tym Glaser (China Daily)
Updated: 2011-03-27 07:57

The new MLB season pitches off on March 31. Chris McGrath / Agence France-Presse

Sports nut Tym Glaser tells you all you don't need to know about the game

Baseball in America is akin to the Eiffel Tower in Paris, Big Ben in London and the Opera House in Sydney; you look up, see it, say 'yep, still there', and feel reassured.

The rudimentary stick-and-ball game is the edifice of sporting culture in that star-spangled land over there. The NFL may be more popular and basketball more widely played, but baseball remains the national pastime.

However, to quote Willy, it's not a game that "stiffens the sinews and conjures up the blood".

Coming from an Australian who is willing to spend five days under a broiling Adelaide sun to watch two cricket teams draw this might sound a bit rich, but baseball may just be the most lackadaisical sport going around.

But for the Civil War, when it was far easier to play 'rounders' than prepare a pitch, cricket could have been the No 1 summer game in the US now, but that's digressing from the point that the sport is now statistical fervor played over a regular season of a mere 162 games ... not counting playoffs.

Funny thing is, I love it.

I would say to anyone visiting the States in summer to take in at least one baseball game. It is one made for the senses rather than sensibilities. It has an odor, from the hotdog stand to the cut grass, and a unique optic and aural appeal that can't be duplicated by any other sport.

Still, it is an acquired taste, much like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and novices to the game should take heed of its core ingredients.

First of all, as Mark Twain really meant to say, there are "lies, damned lies, and baseball statistics".

Everything in baseball is recorded for numerical posterity - even players' mistakes. At a game a fan with an abacus may say something like, "Well, he's only batting .275 but he has an OBP of 322". If you are there, nod politely, smile and move to another seat.

Most American fans go to the game to fill out scorecards, eat over-priced junk food and sup tepid beer. However, in the green part of the arena, guys in clothes designed and made in the late 1880s are throwing and trying to hit a white orb.

The object of the game is to make more runs than your opponent, and that is done by rounding a diamond of bases. The easiest way for the batter to do this is to hit a pitched ball into next year and that's called a home run. Otherwise, he can reach base by hitting the ball safely, missing wide or high balls four times (a walk) or being struck by said object.

When on base, as is American custom, he is encouraged to steal.

The average game lasts about three hours, give or take the national anthem, the baseball anthem, 'Take me out to the Ballgame' and, particularly in Boston, Neil Diamond's 'Sweet Caroline'.

However, if you are fortunate enough to see a game between the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees it is advisable to bring a sleeping bag and a fresh change of clothes.

Of course, the beauty of the MLB season is that you can Rip van Winkle through most of those 162 games, wake up and know you've hardly missed a beat.

If you think you have missed something, just check an American buddy who will have it all written down in his maths book.

Tym Glaser is a sports copy editor who wants to click his heels three times and end up at Fenway Park. He can be contacted at tymglaser@hotmail.com

(China Daily 03/27/2011 page8)