How I overcame the Winter of our discontent

'How delighted I was when after a week my husband volunteered to take Winter out to a dog park, where the pair of them had a good time.'[Photo by Wang Yan/ China Daily]

Solution

Did I entertain the idea of calling it a day and sending him packing? Of course I did. In fact for a while it seemed to be the only solution. But when one is faced with such seemingly intractable problems, seeking an independent opinion is a good step, and that is where my friend Rachel came in. She is a professional pet groomer and, unsurprisingly perhaps, took great exception to what I was considering doing.

"This may seem to be the easiest way out, but you are being irresponsible," she says.

I knew she had a point, but it was hard to hear the truth.

"Don't do anything you'll regret later. You need to have faith in Winter and in yourself."

Rachel offered to take Winter off our hands for a while, leaving room for me to give sanguine thought to all the alternatives.

I have seen people give up their dogs for myriad reasons, including busy schedules, pregnancy, relocation, puppies growing up to be too big and the sort of behavior I faced with Winter. But there are other people who work long hours and still manage, while raising children, to give their pets a wonderful life.

I knew Rachel was right, and I did not want to throw away that prospect without a serious attempt at solving our problem. I did not want to be responsible either for Winter once again going through the heart-wrenching process of being given away as a hopeless case.

Of course I had known him only for a week, and it would be stretching it to say I loved him. But in this short time I had become the most important human to him, and for the first time in my life I began to understand the responsibilities that come with parenthood.

So after a few days' research I came up with a possible solution: to learn dog training at a certified academy and make Winter my training partner.

My husband thought I was on a fool's errand, particularly given the time and money that would have to be put into this.

Hiring a dog trainer or sending Winter to training sessions would have been more economical, but since I have a luxurious amount of free time, I could not see why I should not do it myself. In addition, dog training would be a nice skill to have anyway.

Foundation

Not long after I started the lessons I realized that I was learning more than just a skill.

Positive reinforcement is the foundation of the training method I was learning. Once I got used to the philosophy, I simply found that it not only works with dogs, but also with many other species, including humans.

My dear husband even became, unbeknownst to him, a guinea pig in my teaching. Whenever he showed the slightest interest in Winter, I would capture that moment and express my appreciation. How delighted I was when after a week he volunteered to take Winter out to a dog park, where the pair of them had a good time.

Winter was making progress too, even if very slowly. At first I made a rookie's mistake by focusing too much on the training skills, without thinking that it takes time to establish the bond between a human and a dog. And as with interpersonal relationships, the bond greatly helps ensure efficient communication.

I was spending as much time with Winter as possible, getting to know his character traits and letting him know mine. Then one day in the car, on a trip to a town about 120 kilometers away, he laid his head on my thigh, put his paws around my arm and fell asleep. I knew I had gained his trust.

Since then, his progress in training has accelerated. A week later I found myself texting Rachel: "Winter was lying quietly by my side when I was cooking today. He didn't jump around or try to rob me at all!" Rachel replied: "REALLY? WOW!"

As I write this, Winter seems to be having a very sweet sleep in his crate, which he has now comfortably accepted as his bedroom, thanks to a few fruitful training sessions. He looks adorable with his belly and four legs facing the heavens.

"He is our beloved Winter," I said to my husband, sitting at his desk. "Having him in our life is totally, totally worth it."

To my surprise, instead of quizzing me on where this thought came from, the doctoral candidate looked up and, smiling, said to me: "Yes, you're right."