Episode 9 – The Chicken Substitute

Characters: Roberto, Marina, Naomi, Male

Roberto (ever more agitated) : Marina, I cannot work like this! I’m going to quit! This is crazy! I think of all the things that could go wrong – they have all happened.

Marina: What is it Roberto? What’s up? The electricity is back on – it was just due to a faulty drill blowing the fuse – so what’s the problem now?

Roberto: What’s the problem. This is the problem - The butcher called - he cannot deliver the chicken for tonight’s dinner – their delivery van was in a traffic accident – nothing serious they say – ha! Nothing serious for them but for me –this is serious. I have 150 people to feed – how can I feed them when the main ingredient is not here? Why me? Why the chicken? Non e’ possibile! Mamma mia! Che pizza! {note: Che pizza! means what a mess in Italian}

Marina: Okay Roberto, we’re going to have to think on our feet here. We’ve still got the fish option right?

Roberto : Yes, but we need something else

Marina : well what can we use as a substitute? I’m sure we can think of something…

Roberto: There is nothing, Marina, I think we cannot call it Thai chicken curry if we don’t have any chicken in it…

Naomi: Eh, sorry, I couldn’t help hearing what you were saying, ehm,, I may be able to help you…

Roberto: How? How can you help? Are you going to pretend to be a chicken now? Are you going to volunteer to be the chicken substitute?

Naomi: Eh no but I am a vegetarian, have been for years, and I think I can help adapt the dish so it’s just as tasty even without the ehm main ingredient…I do it all the time with recipes.

Roberto: [Sigh] my Thai chicken curry with no chicken, eh? (wearily) Okay Naomi, let’s try it. I will listen to the vegetarian waitress tell me how to cook my food.

Marina: Great, that’s great. Thanks both of you! I’m sure it’ll be delicious. Now I’ve got to check the refrigerators but I will be back later…[fade out]

[later on. Restaurant noises]

Male: [fade in] What?! What do you mean you don’t have the Thai chicken curry?

Naomi: I’m afraid sir that, although it’s on the menu, it’s not available tonight The fish dishes are still on of course and instead of the chicken curry we can offer you a selection of…

Male [irate]: well that is ridiculous, why do you print a menu with dishes you don’t serve – I find it absurd – I think I need to speak to your chef… call him here at once…

Naomi;; (to herself) Oh dear, this could end in tears….